The preacher said, “There’s no such thing as a perfect man. Anybody present who has ever known a perfect man, stand up.” Nobody stood up. “Those who have ever known a perfect woman, stand up.” One elderly lady stood up.  “Are you honestly saying you knew an absolutely perfect...
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Years of smoking finally caught up to my friend Todd one morning when he keeled over at work, clutching his heart. He was rushed to the hospital peppered with questions. “Do you smoke?” asked the emergency room nurse. “No,” Todd whispered. “I quit.”“That’s good. When did you...
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During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking...
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Mrs. Smartt was fumbling in her purse for her offering Easter Sunday morning when a large television remote fell out and clattered into the aisle. The curious usher bent over to retrieve it for her and whispered, “Do you always carry your TV remote to church?”  “No,” she replied,...
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I was at the customer service desk returning a pair of pants that were too tight. The clerk asked, “Is there something wrong with them?” “Yes,” I said, “They hurt my feelings.” Sometimes we’re compassionate, but other times not so much.  We struggle with things in our lives. We...
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Jim and John were walking the dogs when they passed by a restaurant. “Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggested. “We can’t,” said John, “Don’t you see the sign says NO PETS ALLOWED.” “Ah, that sign,” said Jim. “Don’t worry about it.” Taking out a pair of sunglasses, he...
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When our minister and his wife visited our neighbor, her four-year-old daughter answered the door. “Mommy!” she yelled toward the living room. “God’s here, and he brought his girlfriend.” Late for a seminar and unable to find parking, I pulled into a spot...
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Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked. “My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I...
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A wife realized how different she and her husband were one day. She says, “I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he said, ‘Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately, aren’t we?’” Now that’s some powerful reverse psychology....
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