In the hardware store, a 
clerk asked, “Can I help you find 
anything?” “How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband. The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.” When we talk about time we have a variety of reactions. For...
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The slogan Keep Christ in Christmas has been around for a while now. We hear we’re supposed to keep Christ in Christmas, meaning we aren’t supposed to say Seasons Greetings but Merry Christmas apparently even to people whose religion we don’t know. This has always struck me as...
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Q: What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery? A: Welfy. Q: Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed? A: Because he had low elf-esteem. Q: When Santa is on the beach what do the elves call him? A: Sandy Claus Macy’s 2016 Christmas slogan was...
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Sorting through the regular mail, a postal worker discovered a letter addressed as follows: GOD, c/o Heaven. The enclosed letter told about a little old lady who had never asked for anything in her life. She was desperately in need of $100 and was wondering if God could send her...
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One older person says, “Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. It wasn’t to be. ‘Sir,’ she said, ‘this is a quilt museum. We give discounts to teenagers.’” ...
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A father in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.” “Pop, what are you talking about?” the surprised son protests. “We...
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Sam goes to the doctor for his checkup. “Everything is fine,” said the young 30’s ish aged doctor, “You’re doing OK for your age.” “For my age?” questioned Sam, “I’m only 75, do you think I’ll make it to 80? “Well,” said the doctor, “do you drink or smoke?” “No,” Sam replied. “Do...
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Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the butt by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. “I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But if you want to save his...
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Before we go back in time 500 years, let’s meditate upon these Zen Koans for the Internet Age: If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? What is the sound of no hands texting? If nobody likes your selfie, what is the value of the self? To see a man’s true face,...
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Will Rogers had this to say about life: “Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.” And yet there he was, the singing cowboy on everyone’s radio and then the...
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